Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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