Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
