and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
