I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
