He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
