Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
