I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
