I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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