i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
