You really coming over, don't trick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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