I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
