Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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