If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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