your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
