TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
