He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
