Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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