I looked at my own cervix.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
