In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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