i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize