I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
