i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
