Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
