What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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