Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
