just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's shark week go big or go home
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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