You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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