then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
