I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize