No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
