I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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