Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
