i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
