i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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