am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
