When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
