we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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