Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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