I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
