Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
