So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
