How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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