So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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