When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i think i just lost a toe
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
