we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
