oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
