i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
