$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your dad touched me again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
