Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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