Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
