Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
