Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am spending my child support on dildos
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
