it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
