He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
