If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
