i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
