What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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