I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
