3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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