It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
