i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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