Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
