I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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