WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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