My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
