he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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