Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
