i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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