Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
