wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
