He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
