did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
