Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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