I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
